Connor's Story “We were parents, not therapists. So, we knew he needed much more than we could provide.”

Their mom was caught up in drug addiction and so when Connor was born, his four-year-old sister was the one to care for him, give him his bottle and change his diapers. One day she got tired or frustrated and tried to fold him up in the sofa bed.

In those early years, Connor’s dad was around, but he often beat Connor’s mom and sister. At last, his dad left, but then came a boyfriend who sometimes lost his patience, too, and Connor’s new little sister ended up with her arm broken.

That incident brought in Child Protective Services, and the children were separated and taken to new homes. Connor went to live with his paternal grandmother, and he started therapy because at four years old he already exhibited the effects of neglect and trauma.

Since his mother was essentially absent to him, he had never learned to form relationships. From the violence, he was left with post traumatic stress disorder. His grandmother tried to help, but within the year she found she had breast cancer and was unable to care for him. Connor was placed in foster care.

Through all this time, Connor’s maternal grandfather visited frequently and often told friends how much Connor needed a permanent, loving home. That’s how Sarah and Mike first met Connor a few years later. In fact, they immediately signed up for training to become certified foster parents, and within months they brought him home.

“We truly are loving parents who have been committed to him since we first met him,” Sarah said. In the many years they have cared for Connor, they have thought of themselves as more than foster parents. Yet for the kind of emotional trauma Connor suffered, he needed more than Sarah and Mike’s significant care and love.

“We were parents, not therapists. So, we knew he needed much more than we could provide.”

Connor could not control his angry outbursts and aggression. “It was clear that he had a strong inner rage that appeared to be really eating at him,” Sarah said.

After years of therapy and one unsuccessful group home experience, Connor moved to Adventure House, one of the residences on the EMQ FamiliesFirst campus in Davis.

Something was different here for Connor. His counselors gave him the grounding and skills to begin to work with his reactions and anger. Connor participated in individual and group therapies, family therapy, and therapeutic enrichment activities, such as recreation and art.

He found a place where he could belong, where he felt safe and affirmed and could make healthy attachments. For the first time, he began to trust his counselors and the other boys and could form relationships. 

Sarah and Mike attended all family counseling sessions. There they were able to work directly with his counselors and help Connor with his angry, fearful reactions, which were resulting from the post traumatic stress. Sarah and Mike also learned a new system of rewards that emphasized positive behavior and a positive impact on Connor.

“Adventure House has been wonderful throughout all of it – providing support and training for us besides all they have done for Connor,” Sarah said.

Connor’s counselors at Adventure House, like all therapists and counselors at EMQ FamiliesFirst, are trained to the highest proven therapeutic practices. Not only did they bring the family methods of safety and positive behavior, they knew how to listen to what worked for the family and to build on Connor’s strengths.

After a couple of years at Adventure House and frequent visits with Sarah and Mike, Connor was able to go home. The years of uncertainty ended. But the care and support of a professional team did not end there.

Now Connor, Sarah and Mike receive the customized counseling and support of Wraparound services of EMQ FamiliesFirst. Wraparound literally wraps a protective blanket of services and support around a child and the family, allowing the family to stay together.

“We know that the coming months will be a roller coaster, but having the Wraparound Services and an entire team will hopefully help the roller coaster ride be much smoother.”

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Confidentiality of EMQ FamiliesFirst children and families has been preserved
through the use of models. Some stories may be composites of multiple cases.