Twins' Story "If they don't bond they will be broken forever..."

“If they go home I will be sad forever, but if they don’t bond they will be broken forever, and I am willing to make that sacrifice,” said one extraordinary foster parent, Vickie Nelson, who was called on to care for newborn twins. Born four weeks premature and weighing just four and five pounds, Lauren and Lorraine needed a 30-day placement so their birth mother could complete detox at a local drug and alcohol rehabilitation facility. 

At four weeks old, the girls were placed with some of our most seasoned and skilled foster parents, Andre and Vickie Nelson. The Nelsons knew that the assignment called for them to care for and love the newborns for a few weeks, then hand them back to their mother. They took the girls in and set about giving them the best care they could. 

Over the next four weeks, the babies thrived. They both gained weight and started sleeping through the night.  Lorraine, who had a heart murmur, started showing signs that the hole in her heart was closing up.

At the end of the four weeks, the girls’ birth mother went missing without completing her treatment. Although the Nelsons agreed to remain as their foster parents, their feelings were mixed. They knew that for the babies’ long-term emotional well being they would need to bond with their caregivers, but the Nelsons also knew that the girls could go home at just about any time.

Months passed and the girls’ mom had just a few weeks left to begin her services and remain eligible to get her babies back. She successfully entered a drug rehab program and completed the detox process. The Nelson’s were happy that the mother was getting her life together and were willing to do what it took to make the girls’ transition back to their mother go as smoothly as possible. Still, they were understandably sad that their time with the girls would soon end.

In addition to the care they provide foster children, the Nelsons have a well-deserved reputation for showing love and guidance to the children’s birth parents. They continued to support the twins’ mother while stressing the importance of her staying clean. They gave her helpful and straightforward parenting advice, and they set limits which were a good parallel to her recovery.

Almost one year to the day the girls were placed with the Nelsons, Vickie received a call from their mother. She was crying and had been doing a lot of thinking about her daughters. She had come to the conclusion that even though she desperately wanted to be the mother that her girls needed, she also knew that she could not raise them and maintain her sobriety at the same time. She asked Vickie if she and Andre would consider adopting the girls and if she could still maintain visitation with them. Crying, and connected by the love both women shared for the twins, they agreed that it was in the girls’ best interest for them to stay with the
Nelsons – still allowing for the birth mother to maintain monthly contact.

Last December, the adoption was finalized and the girls were officially named Amy Lauren and Lily Lorraine. With Vickie and Andre as parents, in the only home they’ve ever known, the girls continue to thrive.

Foster parents like the Nelsons are a priceless resource, but there are many ways to help a foster child. Find out how you can help.

Research Supports the Need for Bonding
Studies show that caregiver-infant attachment and bonding are vital for a child’s emotional and social development. The first two years are the most crucial for the attachment bond. Failure to attach may result in the inability to establish future relationships or development of a severe personality disorder.

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Confidentiality of EMQ FamiliesFirst children and families has been preserved
through the use of models. Some stories may be composites of multiple cases.